On the Playground

It has been five months since our last entry. We joyfully received our curriculum and started unpacking our books and started out with our work. We wanted to start out as soon as possible exploring every subject.
 Homeschooling for us is part necessity and part calling. The ratio it about 70:30. So, I do not have the same convictions others might have to do this. But I had my ideas of what I wanted it to be for my kids and myself. We were going to spend time having fun and learning, while building a strong relationship between everyone in the family.
Soon I discovered this was not at all what I expected. We started with the disciplined studies and while the Dené flourished, Ryan struggled. We just started getting into some sort of frustrating rhythm, when all hell broke lose in our family with me going into hospital with appendicitis. From there on end it has been disastrous. I came home from hospital and tried to do some schooling from my "sickbed". It didn't work - for them or for me. Then two weeks in, I was back in hospital with a pulmonary embolism and deep vein thrombosis. After a week in hospital, I came back home with the doctors orders to keep it calm and not move to much until my blood work was where it should be. Two weeks later, I was back for a two day stint in hospital. I came home so tired it felt like life was sucked out of me. I had nothing left for anything, much less schooling my kids.
However, we tried. Still frustrated and unhappy. I cried many times to my husband. Is this what I should do? How come it is so difficult? Why am I not getting it right? I'm seriously missing something in my approach!
I know we cannot go back. It is not an option. We cannot go to the special school for learning disabilities for Ryan and I refuse to put him back into the state school he was in the first three school years of his life. Especially not when hearing the horror stories from the moms about the current teacher!!
Like with all things there are highlights or in my case, glimpses of light. Yes, we had those and still do.
But after all the struggles, we decided that our school year will go from the 7th of May to the 7th of May. ( The luxury of homeshooling (-: !)
So in this month it has been like being on the playground, stuck on the see-saw, mostly with no-one to counter weight so that you can go up!
Well, when you are down, there is only one way you can go, and that is up - eventually. Well, today was a up day - just in time, I tell you. Cause I'm honest, yesterday I was going to throw in the towel...

Some of today's success

I don't want to come over negative, but rather be honest about my struggle in ensuring my kids get the best education I can offer them while not wanting to commit homicide in the process. I like things calm and peaceful - stress and anxiety are just not my friends, and I do not want my kids to experience those emotions. 
In one of the blogs I read, someone said that some of us are just limping along because of various reasons. I've been limping long enough.
I know we are still in the very beginning of our journey and there is still so much to learn, take in and experience. I hope that we can grow in our willingness, enthusiasm and the joy of learning.
I want to make this work for me as much as for my children. They deserve to be as happy in their homeschooling as they are in their home. (Sometimes you can separate the two)

Maybe there is someone who have been feeling this way - you are not alone. Maybe you are one of the HS moms who has more ups than downs - we need your wisdom. Maybe you are still balancing the act - we your encouragement.